||Michal Naftali and Gil Druckman
| כתובת דוא"ל:
Two years ago I visited a network meeting and the speaker was Gil Drukman. After the meeting I went up to him and said, “I think we have a strong basis for cooperating with one another.” He looked at me and said ”more than you can imagine.” Up to this day, he hasn’t the faintest clue why he said that. Since then we have been working together, and after a while we became a couple.
We want to share with you tonight ,the work we have done together, from which a lot of people have benefited, during the course of which we have ourselves grown and which we have enjoyed very much.
Change. A terrifying notion for some, a challenge for others. How do people react to change? Are they equipped emotionally for it? Do they need time to adjust to it? It seems that the ability to cope with change has nothing to do with intelligence nor education. It does have to do with self assurance and inner security. People who are self-assured are more likely to adjust with ease to change than people who lack self-assurance. Some people find it hard to adjust to changes in their work, others have difficulty adjusting to changes in their personal life. Maslow’s second level of needs in his hierarchy, deals with the need for stability and foreseen situations. You can see in the handwriting if a person is controlled by the need for stability or if he controls this need. In other words, if he has a realistic self-awareness which causes him to avoid sudden changes or if he gets into a panic attack every time he encounters a change, in which case he is controlled by the need for regularity in his life. Handwriting analysis is the only tool, I know, which can successfully determine how a person will react to change. It is a well known fact that our handwriting is influenced by every occurrence in our life, be it a pleasant or unpleasant one. A loving glance will arouse our spirits which will be manifested in our handwriting. A traumatic event such as witnessing a murder, will immediately affect our handwriting. Throughout our life, we tend to modify our handwriting due to experiences, emotional growth and, yes, aging. Indeed, the more sensitive the person, the more varied his handwriting. Therapy, having a great influence on our character (if you are lucky), will affect our handwriting. For instance, if due to therapy, we have developed a stronger self-assurance, the middle zone of our letters will change in terms of size-(bigger) - and stability.
This goes also for coaching. In the process of coaching, the writer undergoes a change, first of all in the attitude towards himself and then towards others, but also towards life in general. Indeed, his priorities change. This change is manifested in his handwriting
What is life coaching?
Life coaching is a communication process in which a life coach assists the client in accessing his own inner resources, qualities and capabilities to achieve the desired outcomes. The process of life coaching leads to self- empowerment for the client.
Through life coaching the client is better able to manage his own life. Ideally, after a number of sessions, a client is able to incorporate this process and be his own coach.
Today, coaching is used for a variety of reasons. A person can come to a coach and ask for help when having problems with a spouse, when needing guidance as to coping with an impossible boss, or when he has a dream of being an inventor.
Indeed, young people who are at a loss what to study come for consultation. In all these cases, the coach teaches the person to implement his assets, and in so doing enhance his self- confidence. It is amazing to see how in eight (!) sessions, the person reports of a change he has undergone in terms of behavior and also in his attitude towards himself. In contrast, in a psychological session, the psychologist aims at understanding the reasons for the person’s behavior by regressing to his past, dissecting the relationships he had with his parents etc. An unnecessary procedure, involving a waste of precious time and money.
The three cases we shall present are of three people, a woman and two men.
The first case:
Ema, a woman of 53 came for coaching because she feared of her domineering husband, with whom she works in the family business. The coach suggested that she imagine her husband in a diaper, each time he raised his voice to her. This was a great success, she stopped being afraid of him. In addition, thru the coach’s guidance, Edna learnt to be more assertive and self-assured, and, as a consequence, she chose to take upon herself full responsibility as a partner. She began liking her work, it became a place where she no longer ran errands to please her husband, but took initiative, based on her newfound self-assurance. Her handwriting will show how she changed in terms of the attitude towards herself, and, as a consequence to the people around her.
The difference between the two handwritings is most evident in the size of the letters- from small to big, indicating an improvement in self-assurance and social confidence. Moreover, the second handwriting is written with a much stronger pressure, indicating a stronger will ,an improved courage and a willingness to take up space. If you look at the first example you will see that in addition to the letters, being small, the layout is poor. In contrast, the layout in the second example is much better, indicating that she is happier with her place in society, is less dependent on others and is more confident in her contact with people.
The second case is of Reuven a 58 year old businessman, who was dissatisfied with his work, since he was working too much while making too little money. During the session, the coach, detected a glow in his eyes while he told of his new developments in the metal industry.
As a consequence, the coach suggested putting aside the company’s problems for two weeks and concentrating on his developments. In so doing, Reuven invested energy, time and money in something he loved, which beforehand, he didn’t make the time for. Indeed, he was so preoccupied with his monetary problems, that he put aside the one thing he loved to do, mainly to invent. The coach, being himself an internationally accredited and successful inventor of toys, could convince Reuven that inventions can bring money. As a result, Reuven decided to focus on his developments and two weeks later flew to an international exhibition in Europe and presented his inventions to the biggest firm in Europe. His inventions were greeted with great appreciation and he promptly signed a licensing agreement which would bring two million dollars annually. Two months later, Reuven decided to sell his company.
The handwritings of Reuven will show that the moody, insecure and helpless man became an assertive, independent and very happy man, full of energy and confidence. As of today, he is more self-assured and is able to communicate successfully- his letters have grown and are well proportioned.
His layout has improved, if the first example is irregular in terms of spacing, the second example shows a good balance between the text and the white spaces in between, a sign of increased courage and enhanced satisfaction with his place in society. If in the past he was governed by anxiety stemming from mistrust and lack of confidence (irregularity of middle zone especially in terms of height and width of letters, coupled with displaced pressure and irregular basic rhythm), today the middle zone is regular and stable.
The difference between the two handwritings indicates a definite change in the size of the letters, a sign of improved self-confidence and assertiveness. In addition, the slant is much more regular and stable, showing an improved stability of the writer.
Indeed, example number 3 shows a further progress in terms of self assurance and assertiveness. Today he has the courage to leave home and build a new life for himself. He has a craving for self expression, and wants to be heard!
The third case is of a man who has a PhD in computer sciences and works mainly in research. He came to coaching very low key, spoke quietly as if he doesn’t have any standing in the world. He said that he is more than unsatisfied with his job and he doesn’t know what job to turn to. Indeed, he craved for a job which would revive the light in his eyes and the color to his cheeks. He was asked to fill out a special form which the coach developed for such cases, including questions which bypass rational thinking. As a result of this form, he chose to do two things- to invent toys and to write short stories about life. The coaching process entailed first of all homework in which he was asked to invent toys and write stories and secondly develop his self-esteem.
A few months later he quit his job and began to be a full fledged inventor and writer. His self esteem improved, which was evident in his body language as well as in his handwriting.
These tree handwritings show a dramatic change in terms of legibility, whereby both the former Latin and Hebrew texts, indicate an enormous difficulty in expressing himself, indeed, communicating with others, a fear of being exposed thus the illegibility, whereas the new Hebrew text shows an improved legibility. coupled with bigger letters and harmonious pressure indicating a more effective use of his energy. Since legibility is one of the signs of straightforwardness, low were he to improvement in this case shows that he is not hiding anymore ,indeed that he can allow himself to be outspoken and authentic.
We can see an even more dramatic change. Look at the size of the letters, they have become even bigger, the layout is much better indicating an improvement in the intellectual sphere- a more objective attitude towards life,in the emotional sphere- a willingness to open up and enjoy his relationships and in the way he executes a task- more efficient and more in control of the situation.
To sum up
We have seen that life-coaching can change a person’s attitude towards himself in terms of confidence, assertiveness and self-assurance. Indeed life-coaching has taught these three people to enlist the courage needed for change in their respective lives. As a consequence, they are happier and more content with their lives and accomplishments. Their communication with others has improved dramatically and it goes without saying that success generates success.
המאמר נכתב ע"י מיכל נפתלי וגיל דרוקמן - מנהלת מכון נפתלי לגרפולוגיה.
פורסם לראשונה במסגרת כנס באוניברסיטת אוקספורד ב 2005